Lady Astor once said to Winston Churchill, “Winston, if you were my husband. I’d poison your tea.” Always on point, Churchill retorted, “Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it”. Now imagine if that sassy exchange were embodied in cookbook and voilà, you get Swedish chef Lotta Lundgren’s, If I Were Your Wife. An elegant, sensual coffee table book rather than something to slop soup over in the kitchen.
I Love Dick is a book is about a married couple obsessed with Dick. Okay, get your mind out of the gutter! We’re talking about famed British cultural critic Dick Hebdige. Published in 1997, this seminal novel (pun intended) initially received an icy reception; as idle girlish gossip about a man of real substance. Now considered a cult feminist classic, it’s full of fantasy, high-brow chats and even a “conceptual fuck”. Isn’t that what every newlywed couple wants?
Rather than a Freudian work on penis envy, this intimate and arresting sexual scrapbook is “a love song in photographs” guaranteed to liven up any honeymoon. Although Ellen Jong photographs her husband in clothes (and out of them), Getting to Know My Husband’s Cock has more to do with her own personal journey of self discovery. We think it makes a brilliant honeymoon beach read!
Nothing quite like an epic novel from the the bad boy of contemporary American fiction to bring home the inconsistencies of the human heart. Exposing the highs and lows of love and marriage, we meet the Berglunds, a prototypical liberal, middle-class American family. Underneath the suburban civility of their stifling everyday lives, we quickly learn that not all is what is seems. Here’s a book to remind the newlyweds that all’s fair in love and war; especially in the quest for Freedom.
Candid, provocative and semi-autobiographical, Wrecked explores the trials and tribulations of a life spent trying to be the perfect wife and mother. A delightfully inappropriate gift for the happy new bride, it features helpful nuggets of advice like, “it’s easier to give a blow job than to make coffee.” Gift this updated version of the classic bedside manual for new wives with a tongue-in-cheek dedication to the bride. Chuckle to yourself. You really dodged a bullet there.
First published in 1856, this saucy little tome scandalized French polite society. In a story as notorious as it is timeless we follow Madame Bovary, an elegant and fickle anti-heroine, with more than her fair share of status anxiety. Married to a country Doctor, Emma quickly tires of married life. Easily seduced by a dashing landowner, she embarks upon a four-year fantasy-laden affair that ends in her own demise. A cheery prospect for the young lovebirds, no?
Let’s face it, the name of this book alone makes it a fantastically inappropriate wedding gift. More than a simple exploration of marital misrecognition, this brilliant work by famed neurologist Oliver Sacks tells the stories of patients trapped by their own neurological disorders. With sympathy and precision, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat paints a fragile picture of human life and its troubled souls.
In the middle of a family lunch, Teresa, a newlywed bride rises from the table, goes to the bathroom, unbuttons her blouse and shoots herself in the heart. Years later, young newlywed Juan, the son of Teresa’s now remarried first husband, becomes fascinated by the mystery. As his own relationships are pushed to the brink, A Heart So White weaves together two generations, two marriages, and the terrifying power of the past to disrupt the present. Inappropriate wedding gift? Check mark.
An oldie but a goodie, this 1961 novel is a masterpiece of realism. The story of Frank and April Wheeler, Revolutionary Road depicts the desolation of the American suburbs and a couple doomed to fail despite their aspirations for greatness. With dreams of relocating to Paris to escape their mundane reality, they end up betraying each other, and indeed themselves. Who said married life was all fun and games?
Rumored to be inspired by his real life love affair with Catherine Walston, this timeless novel depicts a tormented love affair during the London Blitz. A story of love, heartbreak, and ultimately obsession, The End of the Affair is the perfect inappropriate wedding gift for the groom. Make like Greene and write this cryptic dedication on the first page: “To X (insert groom’s name here) with Love”.
Hey single lady. Got a wedding coming up? Read this before you start thinking wedding gifts…
Love is in the air. The sun is shining and the birds are chirping along to the tune of ‘all the single ladies’. It’s wedding season – again. As the invitations come streaming in, it’s time once more to balance the love we have for our friends with the social awkwardness of being single at events celebrating everlasting coupledom. Not to mention selecting the perfect wedding gifts for each occasion.
Whether single by choice, circumstance or indifference, weddings have a way of painting a giant scarlet letter ‘S’ on top of even the coolest of party dresses. But being single at a wedding isn’t a cause for despair. It’s an opportunity to be your own hot date.
So go on, let your hair down and celebrate. Even if you’re stuck sitting at the kids table, you’re still the life of the party. And what better way to spice up an otherwise dull wedding reception than by giving the happy couple a wildly inappropriate wedding gift? Better than an awkward plus one, this is a list to cherish and chuckle at until death do you part. Here’s your go-to-guide for inappropriate literary wedding gifts.